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Feeling really stupid

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IanH View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 May 2009
Location: Coulsdon,UK
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Post Options Post Options   Quote IanH Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Feeling really stupid
    Posted: 22 Apr 2012 at 8:56am
Hi All,
        I feel really stupid. I have got up this morning to discover that a heron has discovered our little fishpond and has taken 13 of my 17 goldfish ! What has surprised me is how upset it has made me. After all they are only goldfish ! But one of them was at least 13 years old and every morning as I would go out to feed them, there they would all be, floating just below the surface waiting for their breakfast. This morning when I went out to feed them, the pond looked completely empty. There are only 4 very small ones left and they are staying on the bottom of the pond out of fear.
I think what has made me more upset is the fact that Wend and I cared for the pond and fish together and I haven't lost a single fish since she has been gone. It is like another break with the past and that hurts.
Sorry if this sounds so stupid, but I didn't think I could get this upset over goldfish !!
God Bless you all,
Ian xx 
I love you with all my heart my darling, today, tomorrow and always, your loving husband, Ian XX

My Tribute to Wend



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shellsrose View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote shellsrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2012 at 12:53pm
Oh, dear Ian,

Please don't feel stupid. As you said, it is like another break with the past, and those things do hurt us. It is another emotion to learn how to cope with, among the growing list of emotions we need to learn how to cope with. I don't have any sage words of advice, but I am offering a shoulder and some comforting hugs.

Love,
Michelle xxx
Think good thoughts and be peaceful-Missing you so much, my Jerry
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Phyllis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2012 at 2:40pm
Hi Ian,  I'm so sorry about your goldfish and as Michelle says don't feel silly, it is hard when things that you associate with your loved one slowly disappear out of your life,  that is why I have held on to as much of JPs stuff as possible, it is just to hard to deal with because once they are gone there is no going back, and I am scared of that loss, I know they are only things and I know he is never coming back for them, but they were his and for that reason I will never get rid of them, what happens when I'm not here will be up to his brothers and sister, by that time I won't be caring because I will be with him.
 
   Take care Ian,    love  Phyllis  xxxxxxxxx
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DISILAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote DISILAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2012 at 3:14pm
Hello Ian
 
Reading your post is just another connection with our situation when one of Cheryl's boys her cats died..She adopted the two brothers many years ago and they were her little family. Alistair came in one morning and ewe knew instantly something dreadfull had happened,one of the moggies Oscar the strong looking cat of the two just passed away silently during the night..This like you was a link to our lovely wee lass and losing Ossie seemed to be another step in distancing us all from  our lovely girl..We buried Oscar near Cheryl's little garden in our back garden..lthough maybe seemingly small things to us they mean so very much and are another show of our love for our dearest ones now gone..
Sending our best thoughts as always to you
 
Marion Ian Alistair xxx
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sueblue View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote sueblue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2012 at 7:53pm
Doesn't sound stupid at all - I wouldnt have been very happy if it had been my fish.  We try so hard to hang on to anything and everything that reminds us of our lost soulmates.  I was sorting out stuff for a charity bag today and came across an old photo of Andrew.  How it got in a wardrobe mixed up with curtains is beyond me.  Talking of being daft - I read somewhere that if you find a white feather it is a sign from 'beyond'  .  So on my walk this afternoon I scoured the ground for white feathers - found a few and brought them home. 


Dont beat yourself up - its hard not to I know- we all do it .

love, Sue

The sun was warm but the wind was chill,
You know how it is with an April day
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
Youre one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,
A wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you're two months back in the middle of March.       Robert Frost.


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Me of We View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Me of We Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Apr 2012 at 2:00am
Ian,
     Please don't feel stupid or silly as everyone else said. Any of us would have felt the same. Whether it's fish or pets, little model trains or seemingly insignificant( to anyone else) belongings. These are ties to the love and life we shared. We are all doing the best we can. Sending you hugs and understanding.
Anne
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sueblue View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote sueblue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Apr 2012 at 6:25pm
My turn to feel stupid now.  On our last holiday together I bought a little guardian angel pin.  I started to wear it after I lost Andrew or had it pinned to my bag.  I seemed to have lost it.  I really cant believe it.  I know it would have pointless to just sit and look at it but I am sorry I ever wore it now.  I checked it regularly to make sure it was secure but nevertheless it's gone.
I am so annoyed with myself.  I have turned out my bags and gone through all my pockets but not a sign.   I can remember the day we bought it and the little shop that was called 'Tara'.  At least I have that memory.  I also managed to leave the hot tap running twice today just before going out but something alerted me and I don't really know what.
Love to all,  Sue
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IanH View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote IanH Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Apr 2012 at 6:51pm
Oh Sue,
            I can imagine how you feel ! Wend bought me a Guardian Angel with my birthstone on it just a few weeks before she was taken away. She wrote me a lovely message on the back of the little card it was attached to. I have been too frightened to wear it in case I lost it as well, so I can imagine what you are going through. I'm so sorry you have lost such a treasured memory. Just like me with the goldfish......another break with the past which hurts.
Thinking of you Sue,
God Bless,
Ian x  
    
I love you with all my heart my darling, today, tomorrow and always, your loving husband, Ian XX

My Tribute to Wend



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KevF View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote KevF Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Apr 2012 at 12:54am
Hi Ian

I certainly don't think you're stupid because you feel saddened by the loss of your fish.

It's horrible to lose something that you shared with your wife and also something that kept you connected to her because of your shared experience.

I hope that everyone is coping o.k.

Kindest wishes

Kevin


Ne'er weep for me my beloved one. I am the wind that ruffles you hair on a breezy day. I am the sunlight filling your eyes when you smile.I am here with you all the time my love. I am with you.
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BertieHyde View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote BertieHyde Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2012 at 11:58am
it's no way stupid! We get used to the things and the pets that remind us of the people who passed away. It's a tiny thread of connection, so no surprise you were so upset. The matter is not in the goldfish, it's about one more thread connected to your beloved Wend, that seemed to have been torn...Cheer up, don't be so deep into it!
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