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6 months and counting

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sueblue View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote sueblue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: 6 months and counting
    Posted: 27 Apr 2012 at 5:07pm
Well, I have made it to the six month landmark - my life changed beyond belief 6 months ago to the day when I lost Andrew.  I wasnt sure what to do with the day so I went to Mass then on to the gym which is an odd mixture .  I came home and the sky went black , I knew there was no way I could stay indoors so I decided to take off for the cinema.  I havent been in years but it was a comforting atmosphere when the lights went down.  When I came out the sun was shining and over two hours of the day had passed by which I was glad about.  It was a gentle film with Ewan McGregor with a happy ending - there were really no sad bits but I had a bit of a cry at one point.  I cant believe where the months have gone, sometimes it seems like yesterday.  Sometimes it still feels like a dream and I still wake up every morning and for a nano second I think everything is okay - then reality sets in.  Thinking of you all out there and hoping you are okay and still plugging along.
love, Sue

Irish Blessing:

May God give you .... for every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile,
for every care a promise and a blessing in each trial.
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Me of We View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Me of We Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Apr 2012 at 3:41am
Sue,
    It's strange and unsettling, how those "anniversaries" keep coming. This past Wednesday the 25th was exactly three months since Charles died. (Jan 25th) That was a Wednesday also, so at exactly 6:25 PM he died in my arms all over again. I cried and cried and now I cry just thinking of it again. I guess there is some sort of acceptance now...I don't want to be accepting of it....but as you say the reality sets in and on some level we must just deal with it every day and every hour. It is still the first thing I think of each day and the last thing I think of each night before falling asleep. Him..his picture...the loss..my longing to see him again and my shattered heart aching so. It was good to see your post. I don't feel as alone when there is fresh post on ML. Take care for I will be thinking of you.

Hugs,
Anne
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sueblue View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote sueblue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Apr 2012 at 9:14am
Thank you Anne for a lovely reply.  Last night I kept looking at stuff that needs doing in the house and sometimes it overwhelms you.  Not what needs doing but the effort of sorting out someone to do it.  We used to discuss everything and come to a decision, havent got used to it all being on me.  I was talking to a friend the other day and I said I felt I was 'caretaking' - cant believe the house is in my name completely.

It has started out dull and wet again, it is just so grey.  I have found another book to read with peoples' experiences of loss and the aftermath.  Each little story starts with a thought and this is todays:
There are things that we dont' want to happen but have to accept,
Things we dont want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Thinking of everyone out there ,
love, Suexx
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sueblue View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote sueblue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Apr 2012 at 12:34pm
Well, now I am really fed up.  It is still raining and cool and i seem to have hurt my foot.  I did go to the gym yesterday and it was okay until yesterday evening.  I went down the road and it hurt so I may have to bite the bullet and rest it.  I hate being stuck in .  I have two choices:
I can watch the football or go to bed and pull the blanket over my head.  Bit of a no -brainer really.  I was watching an American crime programme last night and at the end they played a song called Be Still by The Fray.  The words are lovely - I had never heard it before. The clog wearing children next door have gone out but they dont stay out long so I am not sure if it is worth trying to have a sleep.  The house seems so quiet and emptyc- and of course it is the dreaded weekend.

Love to all,
Sue
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IanH View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote IanH Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Apr 2012 at 3:15pm
Hi Sue and Anne,
                        sorry I didn't reply to your posting earlier, but have just come back from a weekend away at my brother's down in Somerset and didn't have my laptop with me.
I can imagine how you are both feeling. Even though I am a lot further down the highway of loss than you are, I still remember the rawness of the loss in those early months, it still hurts, but as time passes something seems to happen and you slowly learn how to deal with that awful loss on a daily basis. You NEVER forget, not even for a moment, but you somehow cope with it a bit better. Whilst I was in Somerset this weekend, my brother, sister in law and I went into Lyme Regis and we all walked along The Cobb (the big breakwater by the harbour) together. I can still remember so vividly that the last time I walked those same stones, was hand in hand with my darling Wend in 2006. A couple of years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that, but the passage of time has allowed me to learn to deal with it and although I still had a few tears, I was able to walk in our footsteps and revel in those memories once again.
None of us will ever forget our loved ones or stop loving them, but time will ease the pain.
Thinking of you both,
God Bless,
Ian xx   
     
I love you with all my heart my darling, today, tomorrow and always, your loving husband, Ian XX

My Tribute to Wend



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kathcov View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote kathcov Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 May 2012 at 1:22pm
 i have not been on for awhile but like you its now 6 month since derek left and it does not seem that long ago  and every day i still fill the lose though i am coming to turns with but a funny thing happened on monday just gone i was taken to thorpe park it was alovely day but it was as we were leaving i saw this grap machine derek always loved going on them this onehad me to you teddies i bought my money and grapped this teddy up it was facing down on the third attempt i got it  i have never  won any thing before but when i got it on the front of the teddies jumpers was this {i want you to know just how much i love you] it just hit home that may be he was telling me some thing or was it   me wanting him to say that but to me it was strange it now sits on my bed

derek we will meet again god willing
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DISILAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote DISILAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 May 2012 at 7:05pm
For Sue
 
BE STILL   ....SUNG BY "THE FRAY"
 
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kathcov View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote kathcov Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 May 2012 at 7:13pm
sue the song was lovely and i hope all who listen to it can get some comfort from it
derek we will meet again god willing
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Post Options Post Options   Quote janms Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2012 at 11:06am
Hello Everyone
I'm planning to do my chores but have just listened to this beautiful, haunting song.  I'm now in tears and remembering My Darling. Can't function at the moment.  It will be 2 years on 15 July but just now it seems like no time at all.
Thank you Sue for mentioning this song and Ian for downloading it for us.  Long Weekend Bank Holiday Blues are already starting to get to me. You know how it is. 
Love and thoughts to All. 
Jan xx
My Andy - I'll be with you when the roses bloom again.

...I love you Andy darling - don't forget.
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DISILAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote DISILAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2012 at 2:50pm
Dear Jan
 
As you say our tears are never ending for all our precious hearts not with us now,so many songs never fail to bring back so many many memories and finding the happy ones is so often overshadowed by the sadness of our loss and more importantly to our loved ones for so many lost tomorrows..This song is sung by the most beautifull voice ever, I play it and our wee lass is remembered again  with tears..Sometimes as the song says I wonder why we listen knowing how much we are saddened by them..Here it is nevertheless for you and our dear friends who posted
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