coping with grief at christmas
Christmas can be a very painful time when someone close to you has died. With potential reminders everywhere – from TV programmes and music to family rituals – coping with grief at Christmas can be tough, especially when people around you are celebrating. We share a few simple tips to help you through the festive season.
put yourself first
If you want to cover your house in decorations and go full-on Christmas, that’s fine. If you don’t want a hint of glitter or tinsel and want to ignore the season entirely whenever possible, that’s okay too. Christmas is a time for kindness, so try and remember to be kind to yourself, whatever that entails. Be honest with family and friends about what you feel comfortable with, and just let them know what you’d like to do so they can support you.
You may choose not to celebrate the day at all, sometimes taking yourself out of the situation is the best thing you can do. That said, you may feel like being part of the day, and laughing and smiling too – it’s okay to feel happy when you’re bereaved.
go easy on yourself
As we approach Christmas, give yourself permission to look forward to it if you want to. Equally, allow yourself not to be ok if that’s how you feel. If you want to decorate and trim the tree, that’s your choice. If you simply want to ignore the season entirely whenever possible, that’s fine too. Coping with grief at Christmas is tough, so do whatever you feel will help you the most.
It’s important to allow time for yourself, whether that’s having a hot bath, a cup of tea with a friend, a walk, or reading a favourite book. It is perfectly ok to want to have some time to just be alone with your thoughts and emotions.
This is not the time to put yourself last to please other people, let everyone else take care of you.
Try and be aware of your health and how you are feeling, especially if you are newly bereaved. You may feel more tired than usual and more prone to mood swings, as well as having physical symptoms such as insomnia, sickness, suppressed appetite and headaches, which are all common when we are bereaved.
Find some structure
Try and stick to some sort of routine over the festive season, if you can. It’s all too easy without our normal patterns to guide us to forget to look after ourselves. Whether it’s walking your dog at the same time each day, calling a relative each evening or reading another chapter of a book, some sort of structure and sense of routine can be helpful.
Allow yourself to grieve
You don’t have to hide your grief over the festive season and pretend that everything is okay. Reach out to someone and talk about the person you’ve lost, be that family or friends who can share memories of that person with you, or connect with a counsellor, like the GriefChat experts on our website. Sharing some of your feelings can help you cope, and make the season a little more bearable.
Remember your loved one and celebrate their life
As a family, you might like to decide together what you would like to do to remember your loved one. You could start some new traditions, or incorporate them into the traditions you already have, as a special way to remember them.
This could be visiting a special place, lighting a candle, or buying a new decoration for the tree. You might like to visit the grave or the place where the ashes were scattered and place a Christmas card there, or ask friends and family to write special messages on star-shaped cards and hang these up with ribbons. Or you could remember your loved one by eating their favourite meal, or listening to their favourite music. You can also of course light a candle on your MuchLoved tribute page, or add a new memory to their page.
consider giving to others
At a time when nothing feels normal, and you can easily feel overwhelmed, sometimes giving to others can be incredibly cathartic. For example, you could make a charitable donation in honour of your loved one, or you could buy a gift for a Toy Bank or shelter in their name. You could volunteer to serve festive meals on Christmas day, or deliver food parcels to families in need. Helping others can offer a break from your normal activities, and help you focus your attention on something positive over the festive season.
connect with griefchat
GriefChat allows you to chat to a professional grief counsellor for free via our online chat service. You can connect with a counsellor immediately via webchat. We provide a safe space for bereaved people to be able to share their story, explore their feelings and be supported by a professional.