Grief and Sleep
Grief not only affects our emotions, it can physically affect our bodies – including our sleep. It’s very common for your sleep patterns to be affected after a bereavement, even months afterwards.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed and everything around you feels as far from normal as possible sleep can be ever-elusive, and the less sleep you have, the more stressed you can become about sleeping.
You might have trouble falling asleep, or be unable to stay asleep for more than a few hours. At the other end of the scale, you may crave sleep and be unable to stay awake. Grief affects everyone differently, and all of these scenarios are normal reactions to loss.
So what can you do to try and get some better rest? We look at a few simple ways to try and help get a good night’s sleep.
Try a new routine
Routines and sleep rituals can often be very helpful when you’re struggling with sleep, as they signal your brain that it’s time for sleep. Try relaxing activities for the hour directly before bed. You could meditate for an hour, do some yoga or gentle stretching exercises, or have a warm bath. Lavender bubble bath is often recommended to help sleep, as is lavender pillow oil.
Things to avoid (if you can)
Try and avoid caffeine and alcohol too late in the day, as this can upset your sleep cycle as your body processes them. Also, if you can manage it, don’t take your phone to bed, as the blue light emitted by phones and tablets can restrict the production of melatonin, the hormone that controls your sleep cycle.
There's an app for that
Technology can actually help. White noise apps or machines can often help block out distractions and help get our mind ready for sleep, as well as being relaxing. One app available is the Calm app, which tells you a story to help you go to sleep, or has soothing sounds to listen to. Headspace is another useful app, with sleepcasts – sleep-inducing podcasts, as well as meditations and white noise to listen to. There is even Dodow, which projects a light onto the ceiling that expands and contracts, which you follow with your breathing to help you calm down and relax.
Share your feelings on paper
You could also try journaling. Often writing down feelings can help them seem more manageable, especially when they’re keeping you awake in the middle of the night. Gratitude journals are very popular, where you recount three things that you are grateful for, as it helps refocus your mind to the positive things in your life.
Look at your sleep environment
Often our bedrooms are used far beyond sleeping – workspaces, exercise spaces, not to mention a TV room. If you can, try and keep your bedroom only for sleep, so your brain associates rest with that space. Keep the room dark when you do go to bed, and make sure it’s not too hot.
learning to sleep without a partner
When the other side of the bed is empty, just going to bed in itself can be upsetting, and far from relaxing you into sleep. There are a few things you can try to help you sleep, even on a short term basis. You could rearrange the room, or consider getting a new bed or new bedding. If this isn’t for you you could add an extra blanket or pillow, or even sleep on your partner’s side of the bed. If it’s simply too much you could even decide to sleep elsewhere for a little while, whatever helps you get some rest.
If you’re still unable to sleep, and this continues for some time, your overall health can be affected. Try and talk to someone, like the expert bereavement counsellors GriefChat that MuchLoved works with. You can also seek support from your GP, or other bereavement support services through the NHS.
connect with griefchat
Connect with an expert grief counsellor via our website – for free. No referrals, no waiting lists, just the support you need, when you need it. Chat now.